Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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