The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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