and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
