last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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