R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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