i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
True college students do jello shots in the library
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