YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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