rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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