That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize