If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
