I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
