I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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