speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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