She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
