Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
