respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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