i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
