He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is classic penis vs brain.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
