Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
