I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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