strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
