I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
