I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
