I want to have your abortion
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize