Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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