I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
