sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize