after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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