I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize