and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
