i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize