i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
thus making me awesome and them whores
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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