I love black thongs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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