Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My bed smells like the plague
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