The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
