You work out of a Hotel?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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