Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she smelled like a LAN party
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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