Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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