I swear she didn't look like that last week.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
