Only a mothe r could love this liver
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
