He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
