I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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