oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
