i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We need to get me chipped asap
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
