I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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