I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
