I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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