Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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