so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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