Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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