you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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