i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
