Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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