I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
