True but thats because hes a fetus.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
