i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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