woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
