u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
