Your tits are I can't wait for
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
