Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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