I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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