I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
