Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
