And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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