She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Are we still banned from the library?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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