OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
