I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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