dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
