I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
