I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize