i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My ass is underappreciated
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
