you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
