Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize