He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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