Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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