Too much gin, very little bucket
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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