he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
