Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When are your genitals available?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
