Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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