i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
