yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
