can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
