She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We just shotgunned beers for America
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
