You work out of a Hotel?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
