that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
