Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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