Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
