i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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