So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
