I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
