Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
