somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
