im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
