WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
