This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
