i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize