Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
