I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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