beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drake has all the answers
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
