I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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